I have this wave of pressing sadness that’s drowning me- I can’t see the sun and, god almighty, I think I can fly. I look back and see all the signs and instead of shedding tears I’m in a fit of laughter. The tears will come when the sun has fallen and I lay in the bead alone and the silence…the silence will cut every inch of decency out of me-then I can cry for something lost long ago.Drinking makes all my thoughts seem so sane and logical. I love you!!! I hate you!! I just wish I didn’t feel anything for you. I have decided to put this bottle of whiskey away and face my truth. Or should I say, the truth created. I knew I would loose you when I could no longer laugh at your endless jokes and empty promises. These sentences are made by words that seem to stumble together and try to make some sort of enlightenment breath live back into me. I hate my insomnia- it helps me over analyzing every move and expression you said to me I wish there was a way to restore my tarnished innocence. i think the whiskey is once again taunting my mixed emotions. I’m fucking drowning but I can’t call your name!!!!!!

CrAzY sWiRliNg ThOuGhTs

Does ones truth hold what we are?

Why do my thoughts stream through endless portals

that slip

into useless puddles that clog up my rationale

common-sense?

I feel like I’m driving 120mp through this, and

sooner then not, I’ll

loose control of my sanity and crash!!!

Crash into some sort of metal mixed with clay.

My blood is drenched in my tears and way to much

whiskey.

It’s a miracle I haven’t died of my crazy

swirling thoughts.

Don’t worry sooner or later we’re all bound to get here-

Take your time in getting here-

just never live a lie.

Don’t think you can be a saint one day and a

sinner the next-

your inner voices will find you

and instead of forgiving you they’ll bash your head in and

you’ll never full recover.

You’ll try to become a better person but you’ll

always be stained.

Trust me you can’t bleach or Clorox the filth

away.

Over stimulating your emotions with drugs and

alcohol helps

get you through the night but what about the next

couple of days?

Can I seriously want to live in the same zombie

state that

petrifies the hell out of me.

Can one ever, in truth, change who we are????

Is my reality really my own lie?